I'm a foobar2000 user, I've also used WMP, Winamp, J River Media Center and eLyric Music Manager, there are lots of others: MediaMonkey comes to mind. There are plugins for Windows Media Player that support flac, but I don't have specific recommendations. (Personally I want a media player that offers more transparent control than WMP.)
As you noticed volume level makes a huge difference in the apparent liveliness of music. You can't do a fair comparison unless you make sure there's no DSP involved and that the volume levels are the same.
Once again all lossless formats are technically equivalent quality. If you use the same DSP and volume you'll hear essentially the same thing, format and player independent. (There are small details/bugs in various pieces of software or hardware that may make a difference but it will be very subtle.)
If you turn the volume up in iTunes it will sound lively again.
I'm not a fan of DSP, but that's purely a personal preference. DSP is appropriate for many things and feel free to experiment: just don't DSP during ripping
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